


Teach Me How to Be Defiant

by ArbitrarySpaces (orphan_account)



Category: D.Gray-man
Genre: Alternate Universe - 1960s, Alternate Universe - College/University, Bittersweet Ending, France (Country), Implied/Referenced Drug Use, Implied/Referenced Sex, Implied/Referenced Underage Sex, Light Angst, M/M, May 1968, More like a fast forest fire followed shortly by a flash flood, The opposite of a slow burn
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-06-20
Updated: 2017-06-20
Packaged: 2018-11-16 07:30:29
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,555
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11249157
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/ArbitrarySpaces
Summary: Link is caught between two worlds and he doesn’t know what he believes anymore, except that he loves Allen.





	Teach Me How to Be Defiant

**Author's Note:**

> Relevant historical background information: In March of 1968, protests regarding capitalism, wages, and consumerism erupted across universities in France and reached their peak in May. The age of consent for same-sex sexual activity in France at the time was 21, which is important for the story and also the reason for the last tag because Allen is 17. 
> 
> I actually had the title for this before I even knew what I was going to write, but I just thought the idea might work well for these two. Anyways, enough of my rambling. Enjoy :)

It all started on Friday, April 12th, 1968. Link was walking by the protesters as he had been doing for over a month now. As usual, he ignored the incoherent yelling and continued on his way, attempting to avoid making eye contact with anyone.

But some eyes were too beautiful to avoid. They were a mix of grey and purple unlike anything Link had seen before and they were filled with light. And they were coming closer.

Link refocused his eyes on the person walking towards him and he was smiling at Link.

“Hi, I’m Allen,” he said, stopping in front of Link. Allen hadn’t looked it before, but he was a little taller than Link.

“Alright.”

That smile didn’t waver in the slightest, but maybe that was because Link hadn’t yelled loud enough above the ramblings about capitalism.

“If that’s all, I’ll be heading home then,” Link said, trying to speak louder and leaning closer to Allen just to be sure he was heard. Perhaps he had leaned a bit too close, though. He could smell sugar and mint on Allen’s breath as the last cool wisps of it reached his nose.

“You’re cute by the way,” Allen said, undeterred by Link’s statement and still smiling.

Link stepped back slightly on instinct. He wasn’t sure if he was still breathing, but Allen was frowning at him and he was sure he wanted that smile back and to see those eyes light up again because apparently, that brightness was only really there when Allen was smiling.

“Was that too forward? Lavi keeps telling me to stop flirting with people in public and you don’t know who Lavi is and I just met you and you’re not gay are you?”

Link was surprised he had caught all of it what with Allen’s lips moving rather rapidly. But Link was absolutely not staring at them.

“I should go.” Allen made a slight move backwards.

“You have the most amazing eyes I’ve ever seen.” Link wasn't sure why exactly he had said that to a complete stranger, but it didn’t matter because Allen was smiling and it was like the light in Allen’s eyes was enough to block out everything else in the world. They truly were amazing.

“Would you like to go somewhere with me?”

“Yes.”

And suddenly all the commotion came crashing back to Link as Allen started backing away. “Stay right here,” Allen yelled right before he turned around.

Link half wanted to leave because he felt suffocated by protesters encroaching on his personal space and Allen didn’t know his name so he could just walk away without any real consequences. But he was more than a little curious to see where this was going.

Allen’s hand was around his own, pulling him away from all the people before he had time to register Allen had returned.

“Sorry about that. I had to take care of something,” Allen said, soft voice too loud against the quiet of a street far away from the protest.

“It’s fine,” Link said, unable to push his voice much farther above a whisper.

Allen slowed down slightly so he was walking next to Link. “So, what do you study?” Link could see out of the corner of his eye that Allen was smiling and his head was tilted slightly to the side as he looked at Link.

“Chemistry.”

Allen looked forward as he pulled Link around a corner. “I actually know a couple chemistry majors.”

“Is that because you’re a chemistry major?” It was then that Link noticed the subtle change. The sidewalk they were walking along was cleaner, the people passing by them were dressed nicer, and it was like the sky was bluer and the sun was brighter. Link had never walked through an area this nice before.

“No. I’m a high school student. Just a year and a half left, though.” He stopped abruptly in front of an apartment building, causing Link to stop closer to Allen than he had intended, but Allen didn’t seem to notice. He was too busy pulling Link inside, lengthening the distance between them once again.

Their footsteps echoed in the stairwell as Allen ran up the staircase, taking Link with him. Link was grateful for all the times he had had to run to class because Tokusa had somehow managed to make them late. Again. Because it meant that even though his heart was racing with anticipation and even though it seemed there was little air in the closed off stairwell, he felt fine.

Allen finally stopped after several flights and pushed open the door to one of the floors. He let go of Link’s hand to unlock the door.

“I have a cat by the way,” Allen said as he opened the door.

Link watched as a small, orange tabby cat stretched up and clawed at Allen’s leg. Allen reached down and picked up the cat and then walked into the apartment and set it down on the ground near the couch. When the cat just sat in front of Allen, Allen gently nudged it with his foot. “Timcampy, move.”

The cat meowed at Allen before sauntering off to the bedroom closest to the kitchen. It was only then that Allen turned around and looked at Link, smiling softly and it was more sincere than the smiles he had been giving Link before. “You’re allowed to come in.” Allen kept looking at him as he sat down on the couch. “Or you can stand in front of the doorway.”

“Okay.” Link walked into the apartment and closed and locked the door before joining Allen on the couch.

“Allen, where are your parents?”

Link had been asking more out of curiosity, but Allen’s eyes widened and his mouth parted like he was about to start crying.

The sudden flash of orange at the edge of Link’s vision was the only warning he got before there was the sound of something sliding against the coffee table. Both Allen and Link looked over to find Timcampy sitting on the coffee table, perched next to a box of sugar cubes that was farther left than Link remembered.

Link heard Allen sniff as he stood up. “Tim,” Allen said, wrapping his hands around the cat and bringing him up to eye level, “how many times have I told you not to jump on the coffee table.” Timcampy looked rather disgruntled at having his legs dangle in the air. “Don’t look at me like that,” Allen said, sitting back down on the couch closer to Link, and letting Timcampy curl up in his lap. He looked at Link, smiling, but maybe his eyes were reflecting the light a little too well. “Just don’t worry about it, okay?”

“Sure, Allen.”

"Thank you." And apparently, Allen's way of saying thank you to someone was to kiss them. Link probably would have wondered if Allen did that to everyone, but he was too busy thinking about how it felt so much better than he had expected and how he had no idea what to do. He hadn’t even closed his eyes, but Allen had and Link took a moment to admire how soft and gentle they looked. But then Allen slowly opened his eyes as he pulled away. “You’ve never kissed anyone, have you?”

“Is it that obvious?” Link already knew the answer to his question, but he asked anyway to see how Allen answered.

Allen nodded, front teeth snagging on his lower lip slightly. “People usually aren’t that still when you kiss them.” He leaned forward and picked a sugar cube out of the box on the coffee table. “But,” he leaned back into the couch and held up the sugar cube, “I can teach you if you want.” That light in Allen’s eyes had turned into more of a burning fire.

“With a sugar cube?”

Chuckling, Allen grabbed Link’s hand and Link hadn’t even realized how much he had missed it. Allen placed the sugar cube on Link’s palm before letting go. “Put that in your mouth and I’ll come and get it.”

Link could already feel it starting to break down from just the heat of his hand. "It'll dissolve before you get the chance."

Allen smirked. “But that’s half the fun.”

“What’s the other half?”

Allen made an odd squeaking noise and stared at Link for a moment before smiling. "You know that’s just something people say, right?”

“Yes. I was just wondering what I had to look forward to.” Link opened his mouth and placed the sugar cube on the center of his tongue. He immediately felt it begin to disintegrate and start spreading across his mouth and that was when he got the point.

“Just follow my lead,” Allen whispered as he leaned closer. “And don’t think too much,” he added, so close that Link could feel Allen’s lips brushing against his own with each movement.

Link’s response got lost on the way from his brain because Allen kissed him again and it was different this time. Link’s movements still felt clumsy and uncoordinated, but Allen didn’t seem to mind with how he was gripping Link’s shirt and pulling him closer.

That all ended rather abruptly when there was a knock on the door. Allen let go of Link and pulled away, licking the last of the sugar off his lips, which had somehow ended up in his mouth, though the taste still lingered in Link’s.

Allen huffed as he walked over to the door. He unlocked it before throwing it open. “You have shitty timing.”

“We can come back.” That voice sounded familiar and it reminded Link of chemistry and rooms that were thick with the smell of chalk.

“No, it’s fine. The moment’s already ruined.” Allen stepped to the side and there was Alma, Kanda, and a redhead that Link was assuming was Lavi. Alma was holding a cardboard box that Link remembered from one of the chemistry labs and Lavi was holding a stack of containers that were filled with food.

“Hi, Link,” Alma said, smiling.

Allen opened his mouth, but nothing came out except pressured air. And then he let out a breathy laugh. “I never asked for your name.”

“Allen,” Lavi said, tone sounding like he was chastising, but smile suggesting otherwise.

“Where’s your stupid feline?” Kanda asked. So he really did act like that with everyone but Alma. Link had had most of his classes with Alma and Kanda and he had learned every subtle difference in the way Kanda talked to Alma versus the way he talked to everyone else. It was the softness that underlined his tone, the way he was always closer to Alma than he was to other people he talked to, and a million other things that Link still couldn’t describe.

“Um,” Allen looked around the floor before looking at Kanda, “I don’t know. He jumped off my lap, but I was little busy to pay attention to where he went.”

Lavi smirked at Link. “Busy, huh?” he asked, dragging his eyes back to Allen.

Allen hummed. “Yes, and we were just getting to the good part.”

“Oh, Allen, it’s all the good part.”

Suddenly feeling far too uncomfortable to keep listening and feeling like his face was too warm and his heart was beating a little too aggressively to feel even close to calm, Link stood up. He walked over to them, stopping next to Allen. “I should be going anyway.”

Allen looked at Link. “Do you know how to get back?”

“Most likely not.” Seeing as how he didn’t even know where he was.

“I’ll help you get back,” Allen said, grabbing Link’s hand and pulling him past Lavi, Alma, and Kanda. “I’ll be back in a bit,” Allen called as he continued dragging Link down the hall.

“Allen-”

“Link.” He could hear the smile in Allen’s voice. “Yeah, I like saying your name.”

They were quiet for a while as they ran down the stairs, or rather as Allen ran down the stairs and Link was running after him because Allen was still holding his hand and he didn’t think either of them was letting go first.

“So, what’s your last name?” Allen asked, slowing down and tilting his head towards Link and maybe he was smiling or maybe he was squinting because of the sun.

“Link is my last name.”

“Well then what’s your first name?”

“Howard.” He rarely ever heard that name, even from his own mouth, and every time he did it made his heart ache and his throat close up as he recalled a brightly lit kitchen filled with the scent of daisies and freshly baked pretzels.

“Walker. Allen Walker.”

Link let the memories and the feelings slip away in favor of looking towards the cloudless blue sky because the glimpse of Allen looking so worried was too painful.

He felt Allen’s nose and gentle warm breaths against his cheek. “You okay, Link?”

“Hmm? Yes, I’m fine.” He felt Allen pull away completely as they stopped close to campus.

“Hey, meet me here on Sunday morning.”

When Link looked over at Allen, he was already walking away.

“I’ll see you at eleven.”

Link never got the chance to respond because by the time his brain had caught up, Allen was out of sight. Sighing, Link began his usual walk back home. With Allen, it had been easier to tune out the protests, but now that Link was alone the sound was making it hard to think.

He lived close enough that he could hear the protests up until the door of the apartment building closed behind him. Out of a habit he wasn’t sure he would ever break, Link stopped at the entrance of the second floor and reached for the door handle before realizing his mistake. They hadn’t lived there since Kiredori and Goushi had died. They had moved to a smaller apartment on the third floor.

Pushing those thoughts aside, Link continued his way up the last flight of stairs. It was only then that he realized he had left his key when he had dropped by home before returning to school briefly because he had left his lab coat out instead of in his locker. Which, was the only reason he had met Allen.

He knocked on the door twice and waited.

“Link?” he heard Tokusa ask and even from that he could hear how scared Tokusa sounded.

“Yes. I left my key.”

The lock clicked and Tokusa opened the door. Link could immediately feel the heat flowing in from their too small apartment and he could hear the protests filtering in from the open window in the corner.

“Where have you been?” Tokusa asked, gripping the edge of the door so hard that Link could see the tension in his hand.

“I got sidetracked. Sorry.” He hadn’t realized they would be so worried, but he hadn’t really been thinking about them much at all when he had been with Allen.

Tokusa let go of the door and took a few steps into the kitchen where Tewaku and Madarao were leaning against the counter. Link walked in, noting that it was even hotter and louder inside. He closed the door behind him and clicked both locks before joining the others in the kitchen.

Tewaku straightened up, rolling her eyes. “We already took a vote and you’re late, so it doesn’t matter because it was unanimous.”

Link’s heart clenched because he hadn’t realized just how scared they had been. “I’m sorry.”

She looked down at the counter and Link could faintly hear her foot tapping slowly against the hardwood floor. “Just don’t do that.”

This was the world Link lived in. A world where no one cared if he died except for three people. A world where dying was a possibility where they lived, especially because the protests caused all kinds of distractions. A world where the only thing they had to hold onto were promises.

“I won’t.”

Promises that might one day become lies.

“Well, you should probably know what we decided anyways because you’re cooking dinner,” Madarao said, changing the subject before those tears Link knew were in Tewaku’s eyes could fall onto the counter.

“Right,” Tokusa said and out of the corner of his eye, Link could see that he was staring out the window. “We can only afford food for today or to turn the fans on. So we decided to keep the window open so we don’t all suffocate and so you can cook dinner.”

“That’s fine.”

Link looked at Tokusa because he had a feeling he was glaring and even though Link couldn’t see his face, he could still tell he was right because of Tokusa’s clenched fists.

“And this would be a lot easier if they stopped doing that. As if they actually know what it’s like to have nothing.”

“Tokusa,” Madarao said, tone halfway between warning and comforting.

A world where they were powerless. A world where they weren’t allowed to express their opinions because it didn’t matter.

* * *

On Sunday morning at 10:50, Link removed his textbooks from his lap and placed them next to him on his bed.

“I’m going out for a bit,” he said as he stood up. He hadn’t told them anything about Allen or where he had been on Friday and he was hesitant about both. But he was still going and maybe that felt wrong in just the right way.

Tokusa and Madarao glanced at each other before frowning at Link. “What are you talking about?” Tokusa asked.

“I’m going to open the door and step outside for a certain amount of time.”

That got a smile out of Tokusa at least, but only for a second before it changed slightly into an un-nameable expression and Madarao looked so close to disappointed. They both knew.

“I have a date. I think.”

Tokusa and Madarao looked at each other again and smiled. Link hadn’t realized the knot his stomach had slowly been twisting into until it unraveled.

He looked over at the doorway when he noticed Tewaku was standing there and she was smiling at him too. “Well, we have to come with you then. This person must be pretty special because you’ve never dated anyone.” Link only got a second to frown at her before she was scowling. “What’s wrong with him?”

“Why are you assuming it’s him? Maybe I just want to go alone.”

Link should have expected that he was going to be pushed out of the room because Tewaku was giving him that look they all shared when they were planning something.

The pushing continued until they were outside and the heat and bright light were doing nothing for that itchy feeling under Link’s skin.

“Lead the way,” Tokusa said, giving Link a little push.

“Alright,” Link said, walking towards campus, feeling the bends of the cracks in the sidewalk through his shoes.

When Link stopped where Allen had left him last time, Allen wasn’t there yet.

“Does he live under a tree?” Tokusa asked.

Before Link could attempt to answer that question, he saw Allen approaching them.

“Allen?” Tewaku asked.

“Oh hey, Tewaku,” Allen said, stopping in front of them and offering them one of the most awkward smiles Link had ever seen. At least he wasn’t smiling when he didn’t really mean it.

“I never expected the first person you dated to be an acid doing, anti-capitalist, protester,” Tewaku said in German. Despite the contents of her statement, it pulled at his heartstrings. Everything he heard in German pulled at his heartstrings in a way nothing in French ever had. Though Link was a bit more focused on the fact that he only knew two of those things before and the fact that he was fairly certain that Tokusa now hated Allen.

“I’m guessing that was about me and it wasn’t very good,” Allen said, glancing between all of them.

“I suppose that depends on your point of view. I’m sure _you_ would view them all as good things,” Tokusa said.

Allen pressed his lips together and looked at Link like he really wanted to apologize. He darted his tongue out, wetting his lips and opening his mouth. “I’m sorry,” he said like he couldn’t contain the words anymore.

Link wondered whom that was directed at.

“Tokusa, I think that’s enough,” Madarao said.

Those beats of silence seemed to last far too long before Tokusa said anything. “Link, don’t break your promise.”

He heard their feet shuffling against the concrete. Link hadn’t noticed how stifling everything had felt until all of that went away.

“Seems your family doesn’t like me very much.”

Without even a shred of hesitation, Allen had called them his family.

“Kanda hates me.”

Allen smiled. “He hates everybody except Alma. And speaking of Alma, he’s sort of,” he made vague gesturing motions and Link found himself trying to follow the imaginary patterns Allen’s hands were making through the air, and Kanda has to,” there was more gesturing, “so, Lavi’s staying with me for awhile.” Allen dropped his hands. “And while I’m pretty sure he doesn’t care what we do while he’s around, I think you might.” He was smiling again, so Link waited for the reason behind that smile that was making his heart flutter. “But, there is a room on the fourth floor of the library that nobody goes into.”

Link made an odd, breathy noise that Allen seemed to take as a yes because he had grabbed Link’s hand and was taking him there before Link could say actual words.

“I do know where the library is, Allen.”

“I know.”

And it wasn’t like Link minded. No, he didn’t mind at all.

* * *

Two weeks later, Link woke up in the middle of the night to the blaring sound of a police siren. His heart practically stopped and then it beat so hard and fast he could feel it all the way to his shaking fingertips.

The bright light that suddenly filled the room reminded him of being a hospital, which was doing nothing to calm him down.

“Do you hear that?” Tewaku asked and Link could hear her padding into the room. One of the beds creaked. Link turned over and saw that she had lied down next to Madarao, fingers clutching the edge of the blanket she had pulled over them.

“How could we not? You think someone’s dying?” Tokusa asked.

They got their answer in the form of someone outside yelling, “It is forbidden to forbid.”

And then all of them but Link were laughing, almost to a hysterical degree. Link turned over and looked at the wall. He couldn’t look at them because he had been there when Allen, Lavi, and Alma had spray-painted that on the side of a building. And he couldn’t say he didn’t like the rush he got when Allen was kissing him in the middle of a street at midnight.

“Link?” Tewaku asked once it was quiet.

“He’s just upset because he knows he’s been spending too much time with Allen,” Tokusa said.

It hurt, but it was true. He had spent more time with Allen in the past two weeks than he had at school and maybe that was because he couldn’t stay away. Not like he was trying.

“Let’s just go to sleep,” Madarao said.

Link wondered if that would be possible for the rest of the night.

* * *

The practiced, smooth movements of Allen’s hands across his skin were what had tipped Link off to the notion that Allen had done this before. But Link had found that he didn’t care. Not when Allen had been whispering how much he loved him in his ear.

That had been when Link had discovered that there were sentences in French that could pull at his heart in the way that the sound of German did. Or maybe it was because it was Allen saying those words. And when Link had responded, Allen had finally given him a true, genuine smile.

Currently, they were lying on Allen’s bed and Link was trailing his finger down Allen’s spine and watching Allen shiver just like he had less than an hour ago. Allen turned over, smiling like he couldn’t stop.

“How does it feel to have broken two laws now?”

Seeing as how breaking one of those laws was slowly chipping away at his relationship with Tokusa, Link asked a question of his own. “Allen, if you don’t mind me asking, how many people have you slept with?”

Allen shook his head slightly against his pillow. “I don’t mind at all. Just Lavi and I love him, but not like this.” He ended his answer by pressing his nose to Link’s and closing his eyes.

Link didn’t say anything. He stayed there as he felt Allen's breath slow against his lips until he knew Allen was asleep. Then he let his eyes slip shut and finally let the sleep he had been pushing away wash over him.

* * *

Everything came crashing down on May 3rd.

Link had never been one to fight authority, which was why he had been a silent observer to Allen's activities, never going to protests with them. Even though he seemed to be breaking all his rules, he couldn’t bring himself to push that one boundary, but he was getting dangerously close to it.

He did, however, go visit Allen because they lived close enough that they had heard the commotion. They had heard the screaming and they had heard the police sirens.

Before Link had left Tewaku had gripped the sleeve of his shirt and asked him not to go. He couldn’t look at any of them, so he had left and he still wasn’t sure if it broke his heart more that he had no idea what happened to Allen or that he had broken his promise to them.

Most of the commotion had cleared from the university area and the closer he got to Allen's, the quieter it got and the fewer people he saw. He didn’t know what he was doing anymore and everything hurt. He was stuck and he wasn’t sure how to fix it, but he had to do something.

When he got to Allen’s apartment, he used the key Allen had given him to get in. The sense of relief he felt when he saw Allen sitting on the couch, hair damp and wearing pajamas only half calmed him down.

“Hey,” Allen said, smiling at him. He was going to miss that smile when this inevitably ended. “What brings you here?”

“I wanted to make sure you were okay.”

Allen stood up and walked over to Link. “I’m fine.” He wondered if even Allen believed that statement.

“You see it too, don’t you?”

A thin film of tears started forming on Allen’s eyes and he opened his mouth to breathe but it sounded like it only half made it into his lungs. “Link, don’t.”

“Allen, we’re too different.”

“Then,” Allen swallowed, probably trying to keep himself from crying, “just kiss me.”

And Link did, wondering if it would be their last. Wondering if their last kiss would be one where he could feel Allen’s tears slipping down his own face.

**Author's Note:**

> Thanks for reading :)


End file.
